Saturday, April 25, 2009

Donald and Cork: masters of appealing

There are two basic ways of appealing effectively - both based on alpha male intimidation.

The first was perfected by Alan Donald.

The bowler spins round and points his index finger directly at the umpires head like a pretend gun; and crouches, staring with narrowed eyes and directing the gun - I mean finger - right between the umpires eyes until he gives a positive decision.

But Donald was so great a bowler it is hard to know whether appealing really made any difference.

The premier bowler who elevated moderate talent to a level of solid international performance by appealing was Dominic Cork.

Cork's method was to thrust his groin at the umpire while arching his back. In effect Cork pointed his (thankfully invisible) penis right between the umpires eyes, until he got a positive decision.

Clearly, having an invisible but real penis pointed between your eyes is more intimidating than an imaginary gun - so Cork should be appointed England's appealing-coach.

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